Special to me.

A while ago I was asked to recount a special moment in my life. I pondered this question for a couple of hours and then gave up on my answer hoping to avoid it for as long as possible, three weeks in fact. Procrastination is a terrible thing. However, now that I recall the question, I find myself trying to figure out what makes a moment special to me.

I can't speak for everyone else, but when I think of what makes a special moment, I automatically think that, that moment must be a memory. One that is so special to me; I will never forget.
Perhaps it was the memory of my grandmother, and how she used to hold me close when I cried as a child, and that awful perfume she always wore would fill my nose. To this day I still cringe when I stumble across that fragrance whilst out and about, then I take a moment and it reminds of her and the woman she was.
Or perhaps it was the memory of my first kiss when I was fifteen. The way my stomach had exploded with butterflies like some terribly corny romance film, when really, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.
It could even be the memory of my exchange, and the fear I felt leaving home to discover the unknown and myself. The excitement of it all was overwhelming, I could never find the words to explain that feeling.

But as I think of these memories, and they replay themselves in my mind like a silent film, I realise that these aren't the 'special moments' that I want to recall because I have so many of these memories that it would be impossible to pick just one. It was this that that made me realise that a special moment is not just a memory, it is the moment that I have accomplished something great; something I had never thought was possible.  An achievement that I can look back on and say; "hey, if I could do that, I can do anything!" 


So, the special moment I want to share is a recent one. I won't go into the boring details, but I will sum it up as easily as I can:
For a very long time, I struggled with my body image (like many other young woman I assume,) I grew up being reminded of this fact by the boys I went to school with, and was once even told that I was so fat and ugly, nobody would ever want me. Sure, I can laugh those comments off now, I can store them in the corners of my mind as 'adolescent stupidity', but that didn't mean they hurt any less at the time. Because they did hurt, a lot. I lived with this hurt for a long time before I could find the strength it would take to change my body image and prove to myself that I had worth, and that I too could be beautiful in my own unique way. Then out of the blue, one day I found that strength and began to my journey down the path of change and came out a new person.

That right there is what makes this a special moment to me. It's not that fact that what I went through was horrible, because I got through it in the end, it was the fact that I had the ability to overcome it. I was able to prove to myself that I had the strength to change my life around and pull myself out of the negative thoughts that are connected with body image in todays society. It was a long journey, but I made it through and it's that sense of accomplishment that makes it so special to me. I really am able to say to myself: "hey, if I could do that, I can do anything!" 

So now, as I draw this blog to a close, I just want to say that maybe my idea of a 'special moment' is extremely different to anyone else who reads this. But that is what makes it special: the fact that it's my own.